What I learned from four hours of GOP debate

Sam Smith

– Barney Frank is right. The Democrats may not be perfect but at least they’re not nuts.

– The Republican candidates believe that slashing government is a good way to increase jobs. But one of the biggest government budget cuts occurs following wars and in almost every case we have had a recession. The only way that cutting government increases jobs would be if private industry does the same work less efficiently and thus with more employees. But, of course, this doesn’t happen thanks to people like Mitt Romney who display their business creativity by firing thousands of people whenever they get a chance. The GOP candidates were thus basically arguing for a more prolonged and deeper recession.

– The same Republicans who argued for smaller government also argued that “we” created X number of jobs when “we” were in office. Newt Gingrich even claimed to have created millions of jobs. You can’t have it both ways. Either government hurts the economy or it helps it. Unless, of course, they’re saying that government only works when, say, Gingrich or one of the Rick dicks is in it.

– Anti-gay politicians like those in the debate should probably be a bit more careful, given that their purported religion was started by a guy who never got near that “sacrament of marriage,” never dated any women, and hung out mainly with twelve close male buddies.

– The Perry-Santorum-Gingrich view of Christianity is so deviant that it made a couple of Mormons seem like the most theologically normal candidates.

– If, however, the Perry-Santorum-Gingrich view of Christianity is correct, maybe I better become a Jew.

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